Released to The New York Times, Willamette Weekly, and The Union Tribune
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Four Bros Move to a SE Neighborhood
Friday, February 8th, 2008
Portland, OR
A neighborhood in SE Portland has recently been infiltrated by four bros. Approximately one month ago, the bros pulled together and began renting the house, located at 30th and Main Street. Their first appearance out of the house was recorded on January 20th, 2008, by two young women who live across the street from said bros. The bros introduced themselves in a line and our sources have confirmed that one of the bros is named Kit and another is named Bryce. At this time it is believe that Kit is the leader of the bros, a title known amongst their culture as "the brofficer." For documenting purposes, it has been decided that the two remaining roommates will be referred to as "Bro #3" and "Bro #4."
Kit, Bryce, Bro #3, and Bro #4 explained that they chose to move to Portland because they heard from a friend that it was "a chill place to live." Eager to meet their new neighbors, the bros invited the young women over for a game of Beer Pong, a drinking game popular amongst college fraternities. While the women declined, the bros insisted that they were invited over anytime the blue Christmas lights they adorned their porch with are turned on. Bro #3 explains, "we turn the lights on when we're drinking."On February 6th at approximately 3:30 A.M., a neighbor reports that she witnessed Kit "stumbling in his front yard and shouting, 'i just took 20 shots, bros.'"
Bro #4 says that they "will definitely be drinking on this Friday," however, this information cannot be guaranteed until sources confirm that the party lights are on.
While the bros' political stances and religious views have not been discussed, it is assumed that they follow the philosophies implied under the DGAF Nation.
The New York Times and The Union Tribune were reached by email.
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